One of the most moving images after England’s defeat in the 2020 UEFA European Championship was that of Gareth Southgate tenderly comforting Bukayo Saka as he wept into his arms. The England Football Manager continues to demonstrate how modern man is so much more than the limitations that the old stereotypical masculine traits demanded, that we no longer need to abide by. Media-acclaimed ‘Man Whisperer’, Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz said:

“This is not the first time that we’ve experienced the empathetic fatherly role that Gareth Southgate can hold for the surrounding men, I call to mind Mateus Uribe as another fine example of Southgate simply being there for another man in his shock and grief. Bukayo literally gave it his best shot, with the pressure of the world on him, knowing that this could make or break him. There was no space for Bukayo’s stiff upper lip as his mask, his armour, and his composure fell to the floor as he broke down and cried in the arms of his manager. ”

Gareth Southgate’s influence is reshaping the narrative around ‘being a man’ and tackling toxic masculinity head-on. His leadership style of solidarity, empathy, and compassion has brought the nation together so that even in the face of defeat many of us feel compelled to show our love and respect for the team and concern for their wellbeing. Continuing in his reflection, Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz, a personal development consultant with over 30 years experience, praised by the Daily Express as 'coach, consultant and guru of all things men' said:

“Surely if Southgate can connect with his emotions, as he clearly did, he will have the manly depth to connect with the emotions of others, as he clearly has. Modern man now has permission to man up and feel, heal and get real. The country followed Southgate’s solid response in our grief with one another, beyond blame, shame, and rage. A real man has access to vital feminine traits, enabling them to be good collaborative team players on the pitch, in the workplace and in daily life. Unheld boys can react badly to life and can make an awful mess of things, throwing toxic bombs about the place whilst unknowingly waiting for a father figure who cares enough to meet him emotionally and break the spell of his rage-fuelled survival rampage.”

The racist abuse hurled at the BAME penalty takers on social media is sad evidence that there is still work to be done. However, the overriding national response of heartfelt support and appreciation for the team shows that we have progressed from the days of mass thuggish behaviour. When Gareth Southgate missed the penalty at the European Championships in 1996, violence kicked off across the nation, as many responded to England’s loss with the toxic masculine traits of violent aggression and dominant behaviour, that was verging on psychotic.

Now, through the leadership of Gareth Southgate, we have seen that Managers don’t have to be intimidating and that the traditionally feminine traits of empathy and compassion are what bring teams and the nation together. These caring traits shouldn’t just be perceived as feminine, indeed a balance of both masculine and feminine traits is surely the sign of a self-aware, able man.

“Who better to console Bukayo than the man who was standing in his very boots 25 years ago? Who better to put something right in society, than someone who has previously suffered its pains? Could it be that a man’s purpose, and the passion to fuel his purpose, is found in the healing of his wounds from his life experiences - putting things right for others? I wonder how the racist bullies benefitted from their abuse, and which of their wounds might need some gentle meeting and holding. I hope they have the courage to find out, rather than seeking popularity and stealing power from putting others - their betters – down,” Kenny said.

Role models like Gareth Southgate are helping to change the narrative around masculinity, and in turn, influencing young men to see that they don’t need to follow archaic stereotypes to be successful. Instead, Gareth has shown us that the macho and self-centred behaviour of archaic leaders only sets us back, whereas the new, more present and connected man is the way forward.